Autumn, Letting Go & Grief Work
Whoosh! Did you hear that? That was the spirit of summer whipping past us! The older I get, the more I notice how quickly the seasons pass.
Our crossing into Autumn occurs in the Northern Hemisphere on September 22 at 8:43am EST. I’ve written a lot about how this time of year is sacredly Feminine. We begin to come back into the quiet of ourselves, turn our proverbial garden beds over, amend them, and prepare ourselves for the deep rest of the winter months. This is the state of being where some prolific germanation can occur underneath the soil!
Since we are a part of Nature and not separate from Her cycles, Autumn is an opportunity to put things to bed that we need to say goodbye to. It could be a death of someone, or loss of a relationship in your life, a belief, or a behavior pattern. If you’re navigating chronic illness, it could be a good time to part with the person you once were before illness. That one can bring up a lot - of this I am well aware.
The biggest lesson I learned from being so ill is that when I metabolized the loss of who I was before illness, including the many identities of how I showed up in the world, I eventually came to a place of radical acceptance. Only then was I freed up enough to begin dreaming up who I was becoming. In order to make room for growth in any form, we must grieve our losses. Although it isn’t an easy process, I do find it to be the juiciest. It can be a pivotal point for any of us as we succomb to the death and rebirthing of ourselves at different points in our existence.
We often keep a tight grasp on our dead wishes. After my own grief work and holding space for many others’ experiences, I have found how similar humans are at this challenging crossroad. I have witnessed those who want so much to make an unhealthy relationship work or find a way to make a friendship work that hasn’t been fulfulling one’s needs for a long time, despite their sincere efforts. We often tip toe around letting go because in order to do that, we must drop into the deep anguish in our hearts. We might be doing anything and everything to avoid those intense and uncomfortable emotions.
For many, not knowing what the future holds can be incredibly destabilizing. We might even be afraid that we’ll get stuck in grief, because the spirit of grief has a life of its own with no nod to any particular dates on our calender about when it plans on completing its passing. We tend to repress our grief because there isn’t a framework of navigation through it. Our culture has no structure to help us feel safe and validated duing the grieving process. For those witnessing our grieving, it can be difficult for them to sit with because many have no personal frame of reference of their own for this. In the words of Matt Kahn, others can only meet you "as deeply as they’ve met themselves.“
In other cultures throughout time, the state of grief is seen as sacred and is supported accordingly. While in grief, the heart is seen as being “cracked open” in a condition of despair and painful expansion. We are naked, standing vulnerable as we look the Universe in the eye. Our societal mask falls off and we stand on a cliff of nothingness and everything-ness at once.
Many indigenous cultures around the world have approached grief with prescribed rituals and customs to garner the support of the community, the Ancestors, and the benevolent spirits around us. In some African cultures, communal grief is expressed as wailing together for days and even weeks. Keening is another traditional form of expressing grief which hailed from Ireland and Scotland and unfortunately faded in the 18th century. Can you imagine having a present, modern community that has the capacity to hold each other in this way? What a healing balm that would be!
When we can finally allow ourselves the time and space to grieve in this culture, we are essentially flying by the seat of our pants, in a current spewing from our hearts when the levee finally breaks. Whoever you’re becoming hasn’t taken form yet, doesn’t know how to show up in the world, and must allow parts of itself to die. It can be incredibly painful and scary.
But in order to welcome in what we dream of in our hearts, we must create space. When we are brave enough to enter into this vulnerable state, we must undergo a process of surrender, which stops us from fighting back, and drops us into a sense of trust in our experience. It’s important to acknowledge that although we have no control over what is occurring, we need to also have faith that there may be something “right” about what is happening, despite its discomfort and unfamiliarity. The new reality is calling to us, if only we could muster enough courage inside to walk through the hot coals of grief. For there is no going around - only through.
So, take a deep breath. Sink into your knowing, wise heart and body. What do you need to let go of during this upcoming season? Perhaps you can create a simple ceremony or ritual to support this process. The Earth’s Northern hemisphere is readying Herself to let go. Will you join Her?
You got this. I believe in your undaunted heart.
Once we are courageous enough to let go of the dying leaves on our limbs, we are freed up to move into a state of radical acceptance. Our branches are freed up to reach out far and wide to seek what is seeking us. It doesn’t happen all at once, and it’s sometimes a messy, non-linear ride. It’s only after we let go that we are free to begin envisioning ourselves on the other side of our current challenges.
