Setting Boundaries is Essential to Spiritual Health
Setting Boundaries is an Act of Self-Love
When we talk about boundaries, we might not be able to clearly connect that setting up our own healthy boundaries is essential for our own spiritual health. There has been much research on how setting boundaries is healthy for our mental and emotional life, but not much has been discussed about how poor boundary setting can affect us on the level of Spirit.
In gearing up for this weekend's Shamanic Self-Defense & Spiritual Cleansing Workshop, I have included content for students to learn how to perform an extraction ceremony on Self with the assistance of a new Helping Spirit. The workshop also includes strengthening this relationship with this same Helping Spirit in order to shield and ground, as well as how to center in times of challenge. We will also learn how to access our own inner Divinity to truly know what it feels like to feel centered, and to recognize when we do not. Regularly checking in with the same Helping Spirit for this particular work is a good way to support spiritual hygiene. Another piece of this workshop is discussing the importance of boundaries.
But what does boundary-setting have to do with spiritual protection? Enforcing your boundaries is an act of sovereignty & self-protection. It's the biggest act of self-love you can do for yourself. When we say "yes" when we really feel like saying, "no," our energy gets sucked out or even leaked out. Do you ever notice that when you say "yes" to something you really don't want to do, you feel twice as drained after?
Boundaries are simply the conscious understanding of and ability to speak to what feels comfortable for you and what does not. It is an act of respect for that comfort-level for Self, which overshadows the discomfort of potentially letting someone down. Speaking your Truth about what feels ok and what doesn't feel ok is actually a HUGE act of protection on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes. Listen to your intuition, check-in with how you feel and speak up! It's ok to say "no" and to refrain from pleasing everyone. As you practice this, it gets easier.
Some also might confuse connection and vulnerability with poor boundaries, thinking if one shares private details about oneself, they will feel more connected and cared for. This is ok when it's a trusted friend, family member or partner. However, it's not appropriate when just getting to know someone. Have you ever just met someone and they tell you their life story? Overwhelming, isn't it? Unfortunately, our nuclear culture craves connection, but oversharing and disclosing personal information appropriate for only close relationships is not vulnerability - it's actually self-violation of one's boundaries and also violating others' boundaries.
In advanced shamanic language, this unfortunate and often occurring event can lead to soul loss by giving away parts of oneself to random people OR for the receiver, one can experience soul stealing by the one who is actively oversharing. Ever feel dazed and disoriented when someone is talking and oversharing? That's a sign of potential soul stealing. Either giving away of yourself or soul stealing is not good for any party and takes a lot of shamanic clean-up to remedy!
"Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It's not oversharing, it's not purging, it's not indiscriminate disclosure, and it's not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."
~ Brené Brown
Yes ~ EARNED the right...
When you set boundaries with certain people who don’t respect your boundaries, they may react with anger or disgust when you set them, or they altogether disregard them. In any case, you will experience some sort of push-back or negative behavior with those who don’t respect the boundaries of others, particularly your own. These are the people that you must pay close attention to when interfacing with, firmly reminding them of what boundaries you have previously set up with them. If someone continually violates your boundaries, despite your reminders, this is indeed something to pay attention to, and one would do well to assess whether this person is or is not a healthy addition in your personal arena. A person who truly cares about you will respect your comfort level and will own up and try to repair the potential damage when they have violated that.
Setting boundaries with others and Self (including making self-care a priority) is indeed a practice, much like riding a bike, meditation and shamanic journeying: you get better at it with time and practice. So start the New Year with acts of Self-Love ~ including setting boundaries if you haven’t already! Practice, practice, practice!
