Success... Does our Culture Have it All Wrong?
We have quite a fast-paced goal-oriented culture. There may have been a time or two when I have used the metaphor of an unending high-speed treadmill to describe its pace. Our societal values have been centered around success for hundreds of years - and it has become much more pressurized in the last century! We have a concept in our minds that collectively defines what success is in our world. Often, this includes becoming wealthy or famous (or both). Merriam-Webster defines success as: a) degree or measure of succeeding b) favorable or desired outcome also: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.
I believe that success is self-defined, and not limited to these concepts. When I was a child, I preferred non-competitive sports such as dance, roller skating, ice skating, and gymnastics. The only competition I placed on myself was to outdo my last performance. When I could finally vault over the pummel horse or skate backwards on the pond across the street, I felt successful! I had focused on improving my performance and put a lot of mental and physical energy into my results.
But when I became ill with tick-borne illnesses, my definition of success changed. I routinely experienced difficulty walking up any set of stairs. However, the day came when I was able to walk up a rickety beach stairway across from my grandparents’ home - without assistance! I admit, when I made it all the way up those stairs, I sang Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky) to celebrate that success! And when there were days my legs didn’t buckle from underneath me or days when I didn’t have a dystonic episode, I counted those as “good days.” That was success to me.
You see, success is relative. We tend to shy away from patting ourselves on the back for the seemingly small but really meaningful moments of victory in our lives. From the perspective of the helping spirits, when we do this, we’re disempowering ourselves. When we experience direct challenges, instead of marking small victories, we measure ourselves against others who seem more successful, happier, and more affluent, while forgetting to take into consideration the amount of effort we have put in in the face of our own life challenges. My point is, the value of a person isn’t dependent on what they do as a profession, but rather who they are. When did the measure of success become a scale of whether someone has value and worth?
On January 20th, I held an online workshop to teach several participants from all over the country how we can Be Light in Turbulent Times. There is a certain practice to follow in performing Healing with Spiritual Light, but the whole focus of the practice is to experience our own Light as it is by just being. We don’t need to intellectualize it nor do we need to do anything to be who we are, but through this practice we can shine as we are. If you are curious, click here to join our next Healing with Light Virtual Monthly Circle!
In the eyes of Spirit, there is no hierarchy, which means there is nothing brighter than our own unencumbered light. Do snowflakes compare their unique design with others? Without journeying to ask them directly, I imagine not, and I know they would agree. Lack is a concept created only in our human world. As I write this, the helping spirits remind me of when I was a K-2 educator. I would support children in just paying attention to the art being created in front of them, and not another child’s art created with different colors and methods. I suppose we could use that metaphor to help us focus on our own creations in our adult worlds now, without the concern of someone else’s world being “better.”
Last year, my cousin Jamie’s adopted daughter, Lavender Darcangelo, found her way to America’s Got Talent. Despite being blind and autistic, she received the Golden Buzzer! Jamie’s husband, Wil Darcangelo, a minister at First Church Unitarian in Lancaster, Massachusetts, made a heartfelt comment during all of the excitement saying that it didn’t matter if Lavender won AGT, because in his eyes she already succeeded. Hearing this warmed my heart. Alas, Lavender didn’t go all the way on the show, but to everyone who knows and loves her, she is already a shining star - AGT or not.
In Brené Brown’s book, Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution,she states, “Defining success is one of the most powerful things you can do as a family, as a couple, individually. There is a default definition that is, ‘money, materialism, accomplishment, and achievement.’ So if you don’t come up with your own subversive definition, there is a default.” Here, she says, is when this default can lead to burnout that damages our mental and physical health due to its narrow-minded focus. Looking through the shamanic lens, our Western focus on success is so money-driven that we cannot see the forest for the trees - and the trees as well as many of our non-human kin are literally suffering because of this. But that’s no surprise to you, I’m sure.
For a bar set so high in our culture, success might be better viewed when we remember to congratulate ourselves for any and all accomplishments. I believe the rest of the world, including other sentient beings, would benefit from this changed perception. The question is, if we fast-forward to the last years of our lives, what would your future self share with you about the nature of success?
