Holding Ourselves in Light
Last month, I wrote about The Signature of the Psychopomp and how there are people who are born with gifts to experience earthbound and non-earthbound spirits in our world. I also wrote about the shamanic approach to these phenomena by holding all sentient beings in Light while we perform psychopomp work - and really, any shamanic healing in general. With Winter Solstice approaching, and taking into account the increasing turbulence of the collective, my helping spirits feel that addressing (or perhaps re-addressing) the approach of being a Light in the darkness is most apropos for this December newsletter.
Whenever I spend a day in-session with beloved clients and mentees, I’m in a state of acceptance, love and peace due to the expansive perspectives and wisdom of the helping spirits that I channel. When I return to the human that I am in this life, I find myself a bit jolted out of this beautiful state and re-enter this world feeling somewhat shocked when I witness the many unloving behaviors of others. I cannot deny that after 16 years of practicing shamanism, I still find that navigating the duality of this world can prove to be a daunting task.
In some very real ways, life entails an endless cycle of deaths and rebirths. Even Nature Herself shows us this. Unless we have had a spiritual awakening such as a Near Death Experience, we tend to believe that the suffering occurring is the only truth; that the beliefs and energies of this world are all there is to reality in general. But when we are able to tap into the spiritual realm, we find that the amount of love, wisdom and support are infinite. And from this place, life and death are blips on the universal radar.
How can we reconcile these realities? I’ve been on that quest for the last 10 years, and calculate that I will be until this body takes its final breath.
Making meaning of several Near-Death Experiences has been one of the most challenging parts of my recovery from illness. During my own Near-Death Experiences, I experienced the immense calm of the Otherworld that I will return to when I leave this plane. Any NDE’er might agree that a Near-Death Experience seems to blow normal circuitry in the brain. A drastic change occurs within one’s state of mind and heart, and the perceptions of this world change as one begins to embody the experience. The level of compassion and interconnectedness that is contained in the heart and spirit from such an otherworldly experience is challenging to encapsulate in words. I have come to the realization that the Gods choose certain people (and how they do so remains a mystery to me) to experience direct revelation with the Otherworld and the spirits via the NDE. I have done loads of somatic work to release the physical traumas of going through these NDE’s in order to metabolize deeper meaning about them, and I continue doing so until it is not necessary.
Walking in a world that remains collectively unactualized, the NDEer’s heart and body contain a sacred secret ready to burst forth, yet not many are capable of understanding this nuanced coding. As humans, most of the beliefs we carry are created by direct experience or are fed to us without our conscious agreement, and so our mind constantly seeks validation of these beliefs that keep us from full actualization.
Our shamanic ancestors of old have understood that this realm is a collective dream, one that we have the power to influence and change for the worse or for the better. But when we get stuck in the mundane beliefs that feed a limited reality, we begin to mirror it and co-create that collective reality with thought forms that match others’ experiences of the mundane. In essence, we give our power away as we forget who we really are and what we are truly capable of.
One of my more memorable NDE’s occurred during a severe generalized dystonic episode when I had several tick-borne illnesses. I had been feeling out of it most of the day, disoriented and fuzzy, my body weak and tremoring. I knew the episode was coming, but I never knew quite when. When it did come on, my neck would turn to the right first, followed by a curling up towards my face of my right arm and hand. My back, stomach, legs and feet would follow the twist, and my body would be stuck in a giant muscle flex that would not relent. At this point in my illness, I had been to the small town emergency room too many times. I had lost hope that doctors would try to understand that these were not seizures and that I was not seeking attention from medical staff nor a high from prescribed substances. That day, I choose to stay home - and perhaps that is what I needed to fully encounter what I did.
However, that day my diaphragm began to lock up and, from what I've been told by those who witnessed my experience, I could inhale only slightly every 15-20 seconds. I recall my muscles relentlessly contracting and contorting me as if a giant, invisible python enveloped me. I was in one position for two hours as the medications, dosed three times under my tongue, were not effective. I could hear everything being said around me but I could not get my mouth or tongue to move in order to speak words. In fact, I could barely make a sound other than slight moaning powered by weak crackles of breath. Gradually, my line of sight blackened. I felt my thoughts dissolve as my spirit drifted above my twisted body that lay on the floor.
I suddenly found myself in another plane and was met there by a powerfully compassionate being. In my shocked state, it took me a moment to recognize his energy as one of my helping spirits. My consciousness floated before a brilliant light, and my helping spirit telepathically let me know that it was Light of Creation. He said to me, “You are suffering a lot. We {my other helping spirits} know you are in much pain. If you wish, you may let go of your body and come Home where there is no more suffering. The choice is yours and there is no judgment in whatever you choose.” I bathed in the Light for a moment, taking in its grace from a slight distance. It was absolutely beautiful and welcoming. I felt such peace, relief, and an immense sense of belonging.
But then I looked back at my body, and my mother yelling over me, “Tina! Tina!! BREATHE!!!” I was lying in the middle of the kitchen floor where I had collapsed, non-responsive. I contemplated this notion: It certainly would be nice to not suffer like this anymore. To my surprise the words, “No! I have too much to do!” flew from my mouth without thought, echoing into the vast expanse of where my spirit floated. Suddenly, I was slammed back into my body. I immediately gasped for air and was welcomed back by the intense body pain from the episode.
My words echoed around me. I have too much to do? Do what? What was I talking about? I feel that whatever I came back to “do” is still in development. In any case, I am directed in the present by my helping spirits to ground those experiences through my present life as it is, as much as I humanly can.
Why do I find myself sharing this with you? Because the message of this story contains the secret to surfing the torrential waters of this collective world. Being transparent, I am still learning from it myself. Reflecting upon a recent conversation I had with a client of mine, it’s ok to keep informed of global events, but always gauge whether it is feeding your beliefs of the mundane world or whether it is feeding a world in which you and your descendants want to live. What power do I have? you might ask. Here is the message my helping spirits would like to share:
Dear Child, you were created with immeasurable amounts of love and power. Within your infinite heart, you can create miracles. It is only in your reality where you have absorbed the collective belief that not only do they not exist, but that you are incapable of them yourself.
Don’t you know that you were made from a spark of the Divine Heart? It is only up to you whether you believe your cells, your body, your mind, your own heart are powerful in their own right.
Their message reminds me of Master Yoda in Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back:
“Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you: here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere… Yes, even between the land and the ship.”
“I don’t believe it, said Luke.
“That is why you fail.”
Are we to deny and ignore the challenges and suffering in this world? That’s a hard no. It is only when we are able to process, grieve and metabolize that we can accept the current reality, and it is from that point that we are able to become clear enough to dream up a new one. It is like that with everything. We must do the work of letting go in order to make room for our dreams.
I’ve been asked several times within the last month from friends, students, and clients about how we can be a “light in the darkness,” so I feel it is best to answer it again here: The way we can hold ourselves steady in this collective turbulent current is to own the divine in ourselves. This is not an egoic fabrication we tell our mind, for our mind has little to do with this. We need to feel it in our hearts and bodies. In shamanism, those who are embodied are seen as divine. We practice seeing the divinity of the embodied spirit as a luminous light body, whether it is a human or non-human kin. Shamanic practitioners often say that they are holding a person or place in Light. We don’t dismiss what is causing the imbalance, but we practice seeing everything in their wholeness and radiance. That is how we return to our miraculous state, and that is how we can balance ourselves during times like these.
Holding you in Light this Winter Solstice. ☀️🌲💫
